Baku's Wall of Thoughts

2011, What Happened?

2011-12-31T12:10:00.000-08:00

So it's the last day of 2011, the time is 8:11pm and I'm in my room in Cecil Rhodes House, London on Goldington Street playing Football Manager on my laptop. Then, just then...I remembered about you my darling, you...yes you, my one and only blog. And looking at your lack of scribbles for 2011, I feel bad for letting you down. All those countless times when I actually had time to meet you, to write up something on you...something, anything...but yet, I didn't. I'm sorry for leaving you behind my dear, but rest assured, I'm not giving up on you, I'll try to make things better again, just like old times. Have faith dear and have a good year ahead. :)

Performing Arts...And Me

2010-12-17T12:33:00.000-08:00

And so it ends, an eventful first term in university life as a second year student. It was just like the seniors said it would be, way more taxing and demanding but I for one, am not complaining. If anything, it made me more determined to study and work harder than last year and Alhamdulillah, if I remember correctly my grades this term are better than what I got last year at approximately the same time :) With a job well done, I look forward to a 3 weeks winter break albeit with no winter trip this year. Well, at least not yet,haha. As I sit in front of my laptop while reading my UCL M.Night's script...my head began to wander (as it always does, unfortunately) to how did it come to this? And by this I mean acting on stage in front of hundred's of people come February next year, comprising of not only Malaysians but also locals...what if my English was not good enough? would they laugh at my accent? And yet, something tells me I relish doing this very much, the possibility of making people cry at my tears or laugh at my jokes....needless to say, I'm really looking forward to be on stage to be honest! To say that it runs in the family is a fallacy, as I don't think no one else in my family (extended family included) are that into what I'd like to call 'performing arts', at least not that I know of. Nevertheless, I can't say that's the case with me really...and it all started way back when I was in primary school even!

According to Wikipedia (not too dependable but hey as long as it sounds flashy, its fine by me!) , performing arts can be defined as a form of art which "uses the artist's own body, face and presence as a medium" of conveying a message. By this definition, performing arts would include comedians, dancers, magicians, actors, musicians and singers. Personally, I'm not a very funny man with my best attempts of making a joke often ending with silent approval (or was that disapproval?), I have 2 left frog feet at size 11, and despite my long fingers, I'm not that agile with them so if you're expecting a sleight of hand from me, blink you'll miss it...even if you don't blink you'll still miss it because it wasn't even there! haha (cue crickets in the background). So yes, my passion in this did not stem from a break in comedy, a phenomenal jump in tango or a trick up my sleeve. And yet, in that sense I can attribute it to the remaining three left :)

Singing...hmm, I think this one started way back when I was in primary school and to be more specific, during my time in ABIM Evening Classes. Besides the core Islamic teaching routines, students were also encouraged to get involved in extracuricullar activities to make each and every student more holistic. I for one was chosen to join the local nasyid team and brought the song Shautul Nadza. The competition was held in Perlis and we were up against 20 teams from the Northern Zone comprising of Perlis, Kedah and Penang. Against all odds, we were selected as the winner and was duly rewarded to a prize giving session somewhere north of Kedah, a big deal at that time for kids like us. But at that time, I didn't think that I was going to grow and go on liking singing, a fact supported by my 5 years absence from it altogether in Koleq.

You Are The Music in Me with Sabrina

Satu Pagi Di Hari Raya with self proclaimed Krew Artis KYUEM :P

Somehow, that all changed when I was enrolled into KYUEM. Being one of those nerd looking guys in the batch, I was somehow pushed by my house captain to perform during the weekly assembly. Back then, assemblies were organized by houses on a rotation system and such is the norm that they are expected to bring some sort of entertainment at the end to wrap it all up. Lack of time and lack of personnel, I was told to go for it with support from my colleagues. Nervous? you bet I was! And so we sang "Mungkin Nanti - Peterpan" to a somehow acceptive crowd, much to my surprise. By the end of it, we were congratulated by a number of personnel. Personally, I was just happy to get it over with,haha! From then on, I'd say I'd become more inclined to sing at any possible opportunity. I agree that my voice is not that great, but I'd also say its not the worst out there, a fact that I'm totally happy to admit to. Mum had to plug her ears quite a number of times really and all the while questioning where did I get this sudden urge to sing. Long story Mak,hehe. :P Anyway, as I said I got quite active from then on, singing songs like You Are The Music In Me in Musica Fiesta (albeit with little success,haha) to nasyid performances during Raya Festivals, all the while supplemented from constant Interhouse competitions. And to my surprise, I didn't lose the singing bug while I'm here too. I'm now in a nasyid team based in London called Soutussalam. Alhamdulillah, we managed to achieve 2nd place in the annual Nasyid Extravaganza competition earlier this year so on a collective note, we aim to get first place next time out,hehe. InsyaAllah, we'll make it happen :)

Wondering what I did during my 5 years in Koleq then? For those who know me well enough back then, they usually recognize me as a school debater in English, a journey continued from my humble beginnings as a public speaker in my early days in primary school. On certain occasions, I'm also known as a trumpeter for the school's band. Something about bands seems really appealing to me. No, not the kind of rock bands like Aerosmith and Green Day, but bands like the ones you usually see accompanying solo ballad performances in concerts. And so I was assigned to play the trumpet since my 1st year in the team. The trumpet, being a brass instrument requires full control of vibrating your lips in order to determine the specific note to be played, not an easy thing to do especially in the heat under the hot sun after marching for miles, trust me. But still, I find being a part of it as a real pleasure since we get to pump out songs and pieces like the ever popular My Heart Will Go On to the less well known yet equally enthralling Majestia. My only disappointment was that after 4 attempts, the best we could reach was only consecutive Silver Awards with the Gold remaining elusive. Despite KYUEM's capacity to fulfill the needs of its students, one bleak point was the lack of orchestra instruments and the maintenance equipment needed to keep them functioning and as a result I simply stopped playing. Although Koleq is now performing ever so well with consistent Gold Medals, I'd jump if given the opportunity to go through it all over again...and yes, including the constant cross country training sessions and marching practises under the hot sun :)

MCKK Sports Day Marching Band. Sweating trumpeter at the back not visible :)

And last but never the least, acting. There's a funny side to this really. My first experience caused me to get 'gossiped' (if such a word existed) to a girl for the very first time. Acting as one of 4 blind men in a school play entitled...well, 4 Blind Men and The Elephant, the part required me to touch her scarved head to identify her as a girl. To this day I wonder how did I even agree to do it, was it my ignorance or was it due to the fact that I didn't really mind. Either way, being primary school kids, they'd jump at the very opportunity to associate a boy to a girl and vice versa, something if I'm not mistaken called 'puppy love' nowadays. After all that, we went into a competition at Zone stage, 2 teams competing and we lost,haha :S Nevertheless, the outcome of the experience was an enjoyable one personally as it introduced me to the fact that for once, you can escape from your shell of reality to being anyone you want on the stage.

Irshad as Tunku and me as the British Governor. Told you he's fair :)

KYUEM rekindled that flame. It began with a simple Induction Week performance as a British Governor (I tried for the Tunku role against my pal Irshad, but lost. So in the end, we had a 'fair' looking Tunku and a slightly 'opaque' British Governor,hehe :P) And yet, somehow my house seniors were pleased enough to assign me acting parts in the annual Bangsawan competition, albeit with only 3 lines :) Personally, I find the thrills and preparation for acting very engaging. With all the usual mispronounced lines and initially fake looking silat scenes, there was never a dull moment. Occasional work with the backstage crew, the technical crew and the props team were also eye opening as as performance day grew ever closer, one fully appreciates how well and how significant they had to perform in order to make everything go as smoothly as possible. Despite a number of bloopers like forgetting my lines as a Greco-Roman statue to improvisation when the Sultan's golden pendant didn't fall (literally) as planned, acting still had a place in my heart.

Death in the arms of your young prince. Not easy to pull off, trust me.

Sometimes, when you least expect an opportunity and it presents itself to you, you just don't know what to do. In this instance, I was offered to act as a guy called Hafiz in a soon to be made Malaysian movie based in London. This is it! This could be my big break! I'll be treading the very similar path to Lisa Surihani's meteoric rise and fame and fortune will be mine! :D But come decision time, I opted out of it....What are you doing Baku? You're missing this once in a lifetime opportunity! And to be fair, probably I did. But you know what, when thinking that I was paid using taxpayers money to study here and be successful in my field, and considering that I'd need to score well to progress to next year, I think the decision was justified enough. Was it easy? No it wasn't. Was it right? Personally, yes. However, at the very least, that reignited my interest in acting once again, and hence here I am memorising my lines for UCL's M.Night next year. An easy role this is not but InsyaAllah by February, I'd do well enough to get a pat on the back from Director Kevin. :)

And that's basically it really about me and this world called performing arts. On a personal note, I'd very much like to be given the opportunity to be in a musical, a theatrical musical to be exact. So far, I've seen Tunku back in Malaysia and Phantom of The Opera along with Les Miserables here in London. A combination of music and lyrics....oh the sweet, sweet experience of being in one! Acknowledging my current limitations in both my acting and singing capabilities, I wouldn't mind it being just a small role, just to enjoy the excitement and thrills all over again :) to any prospecting talent recruiters out there, I had my say. :) Now back to my lines....oh, and happy holidays everyone!

My First Scientific Report

2010-11-24T12:30:00.000-08:00

Hello blog! It's been quite a while since I last scribbled on your dear face. I am to blame for it really, it's not you...it's just that I'm spending my time 'hanging out' more with my lecture notes since I came back. It's been a quite gruelling month to be honest, with lectures coming thick and fast, I need all the time I have to make my notes and prepare for the next one. But Alhamdulillah, its been okay so far. In fact, I'll tell you and the others about my first experience of preparing a scientific report. You know...the ones REAL scientists do for a living. Ready? here it is...

Genomic Library Production of Bacteriophage Lambda via Cloning and Identification of Gene Fragment

So, that's the title. Then comes the Abstract. What's that you say? Oh, its basically a summary of the whole experiment. In a paper, it comes right in the beginning after the title but in terms of preparation, only once the whole experiment is complete can you proceed to make it. Kind of like a synopsis to a novel, like the ones you're used to making in the days of reading KOMSAS texts and stories like the Prisoner of Zenda....ah PMR, good times..good times. Anyway, as in any summary a good understanding of the whole experiment and its outcomes is needlessly essential in making a well written one. The text also had to be short enough so that anyone reading it will already understand the whole process and determine whether it is suitable or not for his/ her specific research. You see, scientists rarely do have a lot of free time so they'll always try to scheme through where possible...not working for me yet but I'll get used to it someday.

Then comes the Introduction. Well, basically its an insight regarding the particular biological aspect were going to be talking about. In my case, explanations regarding the bacteriophage as to what it is, why was it used, the genes within it, the cleavage points within, the restriction enzymes used...anything concerning the topic can be included really, but as always care has to be included in making any particular statement. For example, if you say that "bacteriophage lambda is a molecule consisting of 48kbps and 12 single stranded nucleotide termini in its linear state", back it up. Quote at the end of the sentence as to where did you come up with this piece of information just to make your paragraphs fancier. If you did, then well done and you get marks for it. If not, it'll be treated as a fallacy and could possibly be rejected in the scientific community, a total waste when you consider how man hours one usually spends on these type of articles. In the real world, there will consistently be scientific forums to review newly published research articles and they are a lot more unforgiving than what some lecturers can be. Even the source has to credible enough. In most cases, data is obtained from scientific journals and texts. Lecture notes are certainly a no-no so please under any circumstance do not put them in quoting your lecturer as the source, no matter how temptingly easy this may seem,hehe :)

Moving on to the Methods. Basically, its very easy to write as much as you want in explaining the steps you took. But here comes the hard part. Publishing a scientific report is expensive as each page can cost in excess of 300k of pounds, so its vital that the paper focuses more on the outcomes than the steps taken to complete the experiment. However, bear in mind that the methods must also be sufficient enough to allow anyone to repeat the whole experiment successfully, which in certain cases they do in order to verify the outcomes of certain experiments. So its quite a tricky business of balancing what to put in and what's not, but as always practice makes perfect. Oh, and its also important to explain the reasoning behind each particular step as it makes the results more accurate and easily said, believable. Methods are usually separated to sections with reference to the aim of doing a particular method instead of a timeline. For example, section headers may be titled as "Restriction enzyme digestion","Gel Electrophoresis","Plating Bacteria" instead of "Week 1","Week 2"...got it? so yeah, it makes it a little bit more difficult since the steps are not exactly done all at once but it does make it clearer to the reader. Again, emphasis on making it easy for the reader... :)

Now comes the cool part, Results and Discussion. In this section, one is expected to show the results of the experiment in the form of figures complete with their legends (no, not the one in the classical history segment, mind you!). Legends are basically short descriptions as to what the figures refer to. Simple enough really especially when you have space to explain each and every step of the way. So then, here's my sample to share with you dear readers.

Once upon a time....a bacteriophage lambda was cut into fragments using the restriction enzyme Pst1. To confirm this has happened successfully, samples of the digested molecule were subjected to gel electrophoresis with the presence of controls being the undigested samples.

(apologies for the small picture, increasing its size will only cause the resolution to decrease where by then it defeats the purpose of putting it in in the first place) As you can see in well 3, the genome was cleaved into 27 different fragments while in the control in well 1 is still in one piece, proving that digestion was successful. At the same time, the gel was also cleaved using restriction enzymes EcoR1 and Mlu1 with HindIII digested lambda acting as the DNA marker to determine the size of the fragment, as seen below.

These are particularly essential in determining the position of the specific cloned fragment via Southern Blotting, but more on that later.

Next, we then insert one particular fragment from the 27 available into a plasmid vector. This is later transformed into an E.coli cell to allow the cell to grow and hence, clone the specific fragment along with it. The next challenge lies in the determining which cells have took up the recombinant (altered) plasmid and which ones still have the unchanged ones. This is done via blue white assay in an ampicillin plate. Growth on the plates means that the cells have successfully taken up plasmids while in the blue white assay, blue colonies proves that the lac z' gene within the plasmid is still intact, hence proving that the plasmid incorporated was not the altered one. White colonies on the other hand proves that plasmids containing the gene fragment was successfully cloned. Sorry if this is a little bit too confusing...

Upon completion, samples from the white colony was again digested using Pst1 to release the cloned fragment. This is later run on an agarose gel with standard DNA marker to identify which fragment was cloned out of the original 27 and what is the size, again as shown below.

My fragment is the one at the end and as we can see, the size of it is roughly around 5kbs. Using certain appendixes provided, the precise value of this is determined to be 5.007kbps. However, from this, it is still not impossible to determine the precise position of the fragment within the genome and here is where the Southern blot becomes vital, as shown below.

The blot shows the labeled fragments of EcoR1 and Mlu1 digests. This proves that the position of the lambda fragment cloned is within these two fragments position and hence overlapping of both with the help of appendixes shows that the cloned fragment is from the part of the bacteriophage which codes for integration, excision and recombination of the genome.

Once all that is done, references must be quoted in the end and any acknowledgements made are also welcomed. Again, this must follow a given format, specifying who are the authors, the publication year, what page and many more things to consider. Quite a hassle really, but like I said, the references mean everything in validating the authenticity of the experiment so just live with it, keep calm and carry on... :)

All in all, it took me roughly a month to complete the experiment and prepare the report. Trust me, its not an easy task to complete and to be honest, I only fully understood the whole experiment 3 days before the deadline but thankfully I nevertheless managed to submit it on time. This experiment counts for quite a significant portion of my final marks for the year so I'm hoping for the best. It's certainly been one cool experience and I anticipate many more in my years to come as a scientist. Sorry for any scientific terms being less understandable but trust me, with a little bit of effort you'll understand it as well as I do in no time. Cheers!

P.S: to those taking their SPM exams (e.g: Yoyong and Yin) , all the best!

Origin Of A Name

2010-09-09T01:37:00.000-07:00

Salam Aidilfitri everyone! Well, technically it's not yet the first of Syawal but since it's the last day of Ramadhan already I suppose no one would complain kan? Tomorrow is the day when victory against lust will be celebrated, forgiveness will be asked for and pockets will be getting heavier (well, for one part of the family anyway :P) Kids will run around collecting 'cukai' and houses will be clean like never before. So, its the final few hours of Ramadhan and I'm now sitting comfortably in front of my laptop. Then, I suddenly had this idea to fulfil a friend's request as part of a deal (you know who you are :P). Oh well, here goes nothing...

"Kita kat sini semua datang dari tempat lain-lain, so aku nak korang semua cakap baku. Aku taknak dengar korang cakap pelet Kelate ke, Utagha ke...paham?!"

"Paham..."

Sesi di atas telah berlaku pada suatu ketika dulu tatkala aku baru masuk Form 1. Masa tu, aku memang budak yang skema (ya,aku mengaku). Manakan tidak, pertama kali terpisah dari mak dan abah...basuh baju sendiri pun terkial-kial, inikan lagi nak bezakan mana yang betul2 kena ikut and yang mana tak. Prefects di MC ni pun satu, mentanglah kami Form 1 tak tahu apa2...suka hati jer buat rules sendiri,hehe. Maka, nak disambung cerita...Form 1 pun semua ikutlah, tak ikut nanti kena confinement terus tak dapat nak keluar town, sengsara lagi. Jam berganti jam, hari demi hari semakin ramai yang tak ikut dan mula bertutur kembali dalam bahasa tempat masing masing. Orang Kelate dengan peletnya dan orang Kedah dengan 'cek-hang'nya. Dalam masa 3 hari terus dah balik macam biasa. Namun...

Kebanyakan orang mudah untuk kembali ke keadaan asal. Namun bukan semua bulunya sama, bukan semua lunak suaranya. Apakan daya, aku bukan yang tergolong seperti di atas. Akibatnya, bukan setakat seminggu lebih aku bertutur baku, malah hampir-hampir sebulan! Haa, masa tu prefects pun macam dah tak kisah (makes you wonder why they did it in the first place :S). Satu hari tu, aku dipanggil ke depan sebab kononnya prefect nak jumpa (Zarep namanya). Sebabnya tak dapat ku ingat, nak kata jambu ramai yang lagi comel,haha :P. Nak dijadikan cerita, borak-borak dengan prefect, tiba-tiba dia kata...

"Kau ni memang cakap macam ni ek? Panggil kau BAKU ah!"

"err...." (-_-")...

Mula-mulanya, dia seorang jer yang try nak impose nama tu. Tapi, masa berlalu, dengan pengaruh yang dia ada, nama tu cepat tersebar. Secara jujurnya, aku berbohong andai aku katakan yang aku suka akan nama tu. Sesiapa yang ku dapati sebut nama tu padaku, ku tunjukkan riak muka bengang (like that's gonna change much kan?haha :P) . Namun, lama-kelamaan aku mula senang dengan nama tersebut. Aku mula melihatnya dari arah positif, ia menjadikanku...unik. Lagipun, aku lebih rela namaku Baku dari nama Farhan ditukar menjadi Cipan, nama seorang teman se-batchku,hehe. For the record, sebenarnya aku nak namaku menjadi A'an, nama panggilan manja yang arwah atukku selalu gunakan terhadapku tapi yang ini pun bolehlah.

Masuk alam kolej, aku ada membuat cubaan kedua untuk mengubah namaku menjadi A'an. Malah, nama tu turut ku gunakan dalam majlis suai kenal dalam Diamond House. Apakan daya, aku merancang, lain yang jadi. Memandangkan Azu, Haqqa dan Meri (teman-teman seperjuanganku di MC dulu) pun ada sekali dan dengan personaliti bersosial mereka yang sungguh mantap, lama-kelamaan nama Baku itu lebih cepat tersebar dari nama yang cubaku perkenalkan. Haha, redha jerlah...

So, itulah kisah di sebalik namaku yang unik ini. Sekarang ni, kalau diperkenalkan kepada orang baru, ramai jugak yang responsnya, "laa, kau ke Baku? haha :D" Maka, lekatlah nama ini agaknya sampailah diriku tua nanti. Kata orang, nama ini doa kita kepada seseorang. Andai nama Farhan maksudnya kegembiraan...nama Baku mendoakan apa ek? hehe :)

Oh ya, memandangkan esok hari raya, saya ingin mengambil kesempatan ini untuk mengucapkan selamat hari raya Aidilfitri, maaf zahir dan batin, halalkan makan dan minum dan kalau senang singgahlah rumah ya. Cheers! :D

The Trip Down To The South

2010-08-15T14:58:00.000-07:00

gambar keluarga lengkap yang pertama dalam masa hampir 2 tahun :)

"Along, Abah ajak pegi Johor tgk Yong. Along nak ikut?"

"Along ok jer Mak,hehe..."

Maka, pada pagi Jumaat yang lepas kami sekeluarga (termasuk Uncle John yang hendak ke assembly di JB) telah pergi untuk melawat adikku tatkala dia sedang menghadapi peperiksaan percubaan SPMnya. Dengan situasi berhimpit bagaikan sardin dalam kereta Citra Abah, kami telah bertolak pada pukul 3:15 pagi dengan harapan untuk bersahur dalam kereta. Setibanya di Hentian Bukit Gantang, barulah ku sedari betapa mengekspoitasi keadaan betul peniaga kat sini. Sepinggan nasi + 1 sosej + 1 telur goreng = RM 5.50?! Nasib baik ini bulan puasa dan aku tak sahur lagi, otherwise aku terus letak balik makanan tu semua,haha :P Oh ya, for the first time jugak Abah let me drive his Citra dari lepas tol Jelapang ke Hentian Sungai Buloh, farthest distance driven so far really.

kediaman adikku, Yoyong di SAMURA

So anyway, by pukul 12 Alhamdulillah kami selamat sampai di Muar. And yes, memang ada kubur di tengah-tengah SAMURA ni,hehe just like my brother told me. To be frank, Yoyong memang terkejut nampak kami sampai lagi awal dari yg dia ingatkan (pukul 3) so while barely packing anything, dia ikut kami ke JB utk jumpa my grandmother from Sabah yg datang ke Semenanjung also for the assembly. However, sebelum bertolak, Abah terperasan yang something is wrong with the car and as it so turns out, tayar belakang sebelah kiri of the Citra dah haus to the point of potentially blowing up at any point. So, lepas a quick service di kedai tayar, we were off to JB, this time with my uncle taking the wheel.

view dari bilik 2419, Hotel Selesa. Singapura nun jauh di sana

Kami tiba di JB pada kira-kira pukul 3 petang dan bersetuju utk menginap di Hotel Selesa (atau kalau ikut the signs, Hotel Sel...hehe) Sementara Uncle keluar untuk memotong rambutnya, kami yang selebihnya berehat di hotel buat seketika sambil menunggu hampir waktu berbuka. Tatkala matahari hampir terbenam, aku dan adik-adikku keluar utk membeli juadah berbuka di bazaar Ramadhan yang sangatlah sukar rupanya utk dijumpai. Setelah sekian lama, akhirnya terjumpa juga satu pasar tersebut yang terletak berhampiran dengan sebuah masjid utk Taman Sri Tebrau. Optionnya tidaklah banyak namun kerana kelaparan, kami langsung tak merungut (tak larat pun nak merungut,hehe) Tepat pukul 7:19, kami berbuka di dalam bilik 2419 sambil melihat view Singapore yg sungguh indah sekali di waktu malam.

aku dan Lolaqku, Emerenciana Dalmacio

Selepas menjamakkan Maghrib dan Isyak, kami bergegas ke hotel bersebelahan iaitu Hotel Paragon utk bertemu dengan makcikku dari Singapore yang bersama-sama nenekku. Setelah hampir 2 tahun tidak bertemu, nenekku memang sungguh gembira sekali utk menjumpai cucunya. Lolaq (grandmother dalam bahasa Visaya) sudah makin berumur namun dirinya masih lagi sihat. Untuk sesiapa yang musykil, assembly yang mereka hadiri ini adalah seperti sesi forum agama utk para penganut Protestant Christianity cabang Jehovah's Witness. Rupa-rupanya, satu hotel tersebut telah ditempah untuk para hadirin yang menyertai assembly tersebut. Atas sebab itu, bilik-bilik biasa yang ditempah telah di-upgradekan menjadi bilik eksekutif atas ihsan pihak hotel, dan memang bilik yang didiami oleh nenekku layak digelar bilik eksekutif. Sampai dapur sendiri pun ada disediakan! Selepas sekian lama berborak dan mengambil gambar, kami kemudian berangkat pulang ke hotel kami. Penat memanglah penat tetapi gembira utk berjumpa mereka setelah sekian lama :)

Bilik eksekutif yang dikatakan. Rotating TV pun ada! :)

Awal pagi, aku dan adik-adikku turun untuk bersahur sementara abah dan mak di atas masih nyenyak tidur. Buffet yang disediakan tiadalah mewah sangat namun cukup untuk mengenyangkan perut kami,hehe. Kami kemudian berkemas utk check out dari hotel tersebut sebelum pukul 12 tgh hari dan selepas itu menuju kembali ke Muar dengan Uncleku ditinggalkan di JB. Tatkala tiba di Muar, tempat pertama yang dituju ialah shopping market yang berdekatan utk adikku membeli barang-barang keperluannya untuk beberapa minggu terakhir di SAMURA. Rasa-rasanya, kira-kira 140 ringgit juga adikku gunakan utk membeli barangan tersebut. Katanya, abah jarang datang so nak jugak belanja lebih sikit. Alasan...:P Tidak lama selepas itu, kami pergi pula ke bazaar ramadhan yang terletak betul-betul di hadapan sekolahnya. Hanya ayam seketul dan murtabak yang diambil adikku sementara kami membeli nasi yang hendak dijadikan makanan semasa berbuka puasa dalam kereta nanti.

abang-abang yang prihatin atas kebajikan adik,hehe :P

Sekembalinya ke sekolah, bilik Yoyong digeledah oleh Mak. Hehe, mak kata sarang tikus lagi bersih :P Nak tak nak, mak pun mula mengemas bilik gerakan pengawas yang didiami adikku sambil diperhatikan oleh kawan-kawannya. Malu rasanya Tuhan sahaja yang tahu. Niat Mak baik tapi rasanya tak perlulah sampai dimalukan depan kawan-kawan Yoyong. Oh, aku sendiri pernah merasakan the indignity...lagi-lagi depan para juniors Form 3 ku. Tidak lama kemudian, kami pun mengucapkan selamat tinggal kepada adikku dan mendoakan agar dia mendapat keputusan yang terbaik utk percubaan dan SPM nanti. Godspeed brother! Kami kemudian mula beredar untuk kembali ke Kedah dengan perjalanan dari Muar bermula pukul 6:45 petang. Sepanjang perjalanan, kami sempat juga singgah Hentian Dengkil dari Selatan dan merasakan sate Kajang buat pertama kalinya. Alhamdullilah, kami selamat tiba di rumah pukul 3 pagi namun sesuatu yang tidak diingini telah berlaku...

pagar dawai dihadapan rumah yang dipotong

"Motor merah mana?!" rupa-rupanya, motor kesayangan abahku telah menjadi mangsa rompakan yang semakin menjadi-jadi di Pokok Sena. Kecewa di hatinya hanya Allah yang tahu tatkala Abahku melihat lubang yang dipotong oleh para perompak untuk menarik keluar motor tersebut. Sudahlah penat memandu, ini pula yang jadi. Keesokan harinya, abah pergi ke Alor Setar untuk membuat laporan polis namun dia hanya dikecewakan oleh jawapan polis yang langsung tidak memuaskan. Abah pun dah senaraikan nama suspek yang dicurigai kerana berdasarkan kesan yang ada, perompak seperti sudah begitu arif dengan selok belok rumah ini. Namun begitu, polis enggan utk walaupun sekurang-kurangnya menyoal suspek. Sepanjang hari abah sugul, sepanjang hari juga senyap rumahtangga. Time berbuka pun sama...hmm, mungkin bukan rezeki kami utk simpan motor tu lama-lama. Rest in Peace, oh si motor merah...

same individuals after more than a decade on. Yeah, we know we're not that cute anymore,haha :P

PS: post ini ditulis dalam BM utk mencuba kembali kebolehanku utk mengarang sesuatu dalam bahasa ibunda. truth be told, I'm getting worse really... :(

Wait...6 months?

2010-07-26T07:50:00.000-07:00

Yeah, that's definitely how long it took for me to finally update my blog again. At this rate, blogpost may even have the power to take it down once and for all. Sigh, anyway it's been close to 4 weeks since I came back from London and since then I practically haven't done anything much really. Of course I keep telling myself and especially my inner lazy half to help around the house, practice on your flute, go swimming in Alor Setar or feed the poultry animals behind...but most of the time, I end up in front of my laptop (particularly on FB) or in front of the TV (to my surprise, Dad just subscribed to the movie channels HBO, MAX and the not-so-familiar other one. things that definitely didn't do much in helping me curb my laziness)

Luckily, my cousin has been coming to my house even more frequently now that UPSR is just around the corner. English classes as usual but to be honest, I'm not complaining even for 1 bit as its not like I have anything better to do really. However, a personal evaluation of my teaching skills somehow leads me to conclude that despite both of my parents being teachers, I don't think I inherited that teaching skill from them at all (if it was even possible to be inherited which I highly doubt) I find myself to be a rather mean mentor really, as I get quite easily agitated if something I taught him like only the past 24 hours was found to be wrong again. If in the good old days, one would usually use their canes to beat (ok not beat...reprimand) the student, I practically grabbed anything close by which in this case usually happens to be a football. Poor kid, maybe I'm the one who should be taking teaching lessons from my Mum. Then again, maybe not...well, not now at least. :P

On certain evenings, I actually do manage to get up and go to the garden close to my grandmothers house. I'll be honest, on most occasions its usually my Mums persistent nagging about my increasing waistline that does the trick while my Dad is usually the one reminding me about how slim he WAS back in the days of his youth,hehe. There, I usually get the job of using a lawnmower to clear up the growing grass around the lime trees while my Dad keeps an eye on his beloved group of goats. Seriously, he loves them so much I wouldn't be surprised if he starts naming each one of them and moves them into the house! well, not like that's going to happen...right? :S Anyway, as time passes by I find the goats kind of cool to play with too once I'm done with the lawn mowing bit as I get to hold them (only the small kid, mind you) while I feed them on the cut up grass bits. Only today, I had the chance to send one kid to the vet for a medical checkup on its nose. It'll live...InsyaAllah :)

The time is now 11:25 at night and everyone else is asleep for class tomorrow. Wonder what I'll do then...hmmm. Oh well, at least I have the whole night to think about it :) Before I sign out, here's a shot of me with the kid I was talking about. Till next time, cheers!

Me and 'The Kid', the sack was necessary to prevent it from kicking around in the car.

UK? Well, it goes like this really...

2009-12-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

The last picture before takeoff. Needless to say, I was rather nervous myself.

Finally, one eye-opening term has come to an end. Took me long enough as everyone else was already way ahead with the fact that they began their long winter holiday last week. With the end of the Proteins and Enzymes test at 3:14 pm on Friday, my winter break has officially begun. Now, as I lay back lazily on my chair and contemplating the long chilly nights ahead, I finally had the 'strength' to post on this 'cobweb filled blog'. To any followers of my blog, I apologise for the long delay but I hope this will more than make it up to you.

Coming here in the first place was a big decision to make. For anyone who has been stalking me or just interested in knowing more about my situation, you might think that the choice was obvious as to which option was I about to take in determining my future.

Option A: Stay with Khazanah and study locally with the promise of being provided with the highest allowance around.

Option B: Accept JPA's offer and get the lowest allowance available for living in London

When deciding which one to take, I was caught in a real dilemma. For one, the fact that I may have to repay everything that I got for the past 2 years of my education was honestly one of the things that made me think back not just twice but even more than that. Then, there comes the additional benefits of sticking with Khazanah as I am entitled to even more of the self educating experiences offered. However, in the end, my dream of graduating in the United Kingdom was too much of strong pull for me. JPA's offer came at a time when I believed everything was lost. Then, on 1005 aboard flight MH004 on the 22nd of September, I was off to the promised land...

Ben the Big

London, a city built some 2 milennia ago as the Romans gained their foothold in the nation called England. It was known as Londinium back then and has since grown into one of the most well known cities in the world. For dear old, big London, I was a mere speck amidst all the other 8 million people here. For me on the other hand, it's gonna be a place I would call home for the next 3 years, InsyaAllah. As expected, like Kuala Lumpur is to Pokok Sena, London is exactly what I had in mind. I expected everything to be relatively expensive and I was not wrong in my guess. A fine example would be how a glass of cincau and soy bean would cost around 1.80 ringgit, the same price can be seen here...just don't try converting it back into ringgit. Places of interest are a plenty like Big Ben, Tower of London, Buckingham Palace and of course the ever profitable London Eye. Overall, very nice place to visit, a pocket-boring place to live in. ( For your information, I pay 124 pounds for accomodation...per week!)

Yup, that white stuff is snow. Cool right?

The weather? Well, obviously it is almost nothing like in Malaysia. For one, you don't get the same sunshine all year round, believe me. In winter, expect temperatures to range between -3 and 1 degrees Celcius in which on any given day with the right conditions, snow (yes,that white stuff that regularly gets associated with freezing temperatures) will be there too. Then, there's the question of having short hours of daylight with the reverse happening in summer. Luckily for us, a happy chap called Benjamin Franklin invented Daylight Saving to help us maximize our sunny time here. Genius he is...

UCL's Main Library

What else...oh yeah! The university of course! UCL, as some of you probably know by now is ranked the 4th best university in the world (a fact the Imperial students take rather bitterly...) Anyway, besides being the first secular university in the UK, it takes pride in having one of the most diverse mix of ethnics in one institute of education which is clearly visible from the number of languages spoken here. You name it, we will most probably have it...Needless to say, the amount of work we are subjected to here is amazing especially the Electrical Engineering dudes.Just a small thing lacking though. The fact that we are a secular institute makes it impossible to have our request for a praying room certified. Instead, we have to resort to having a small room (really, really small room) as our prayer room...and this bring me to my next point.

London Central Mosque

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I find this quote very true indeed as here, I have learned things regarding my faith that I never knew before. Enclosed back in Malaysia in a single 'mazhab' environment, I find the other ways of practising Islam as a real eye opener. Besides that, I have never before encountered such difficult conditions to perform our obligations. For example, taking your ablution with ice cold water is not easy and lest I forget, praying in very cramped up conditions is hardly any more comfortable. Yet, it is here that I begin to learn the real meaning of living as an ummah. Brothers and sisters of the same faith act as if you know each other for years even if you've just met like 3 minutes ago. Alhamdulillah, I find that this is the best opportunity for me to further understand Islam and be a better person, InsyaAllah....

What do you get when you reheat uncooked chicken and Krispy flour in a microwave? Chicken in bread!

For the first time in my life, I am literally living alone. I will no longer have any form of financial support from my parents, no-one is going to take care of my welfare and of course this includes cooking. I will not lie, I am a terrible cook mark my words. Cooking rice with plain fried chicken is the most common menu in my weekly diet, for the very simple reason that I can barely cook any other type of food well enough to taste good. Needless to say, there were a number of cooking disasters on my part but as usual I'll just laugh at it and learn from it. Mum told me to help out in the kitchen often, I should have listened. Hehe... :P

Arsenal vs Olympiakos, 2-0

Now, I am literally living up my dream. A dream which began 12 years ago and will hopefully be complete in the next 3 years. I have been thrown 70 meters above the ground here, I have lived the experience of being in Emirates stadium, I have also witnessed my home in Birmingham for which I spent nearly 2 years of my childhood...now, I am ready. Ready to prove myself once and for all that I am a somebody. With God's will, this I will achieve...Cheers everyone and enjoy your holidays! :)

My goals here....

It's Been A While...

2009-10-05T15:02:00.000-07:00

So sorry oh dear bloggie...I'm currently in the process of settling down and stuff especially with my classes arrangement cz their really confusing. Got bank problems to settle and not to mention my accomodation payment date is due next Friday and my money is still in Malaysia! Other than that, cooking is something I'm definitely not good at at the moment so I hv to rely on takeaway food for now. To add to my troubles, I am still mourning the loss of my dear white external (please, MAS. I need a reply...anything will do!) Luckily enough, I've been blessed enough to have already been involved in a number of things despite being barely 2 weeks here. Soutussalam is a new name in my life, Emirates Stadium is now my sweet memory, Moodle and Portico are now my bookmarks on the Internet and Tower Bridge night with Adli and the rest of the gang...just blissful really.

Hope to tell more but like I said, I'm in not a good position to do so. Pictures will tell the rest of the story soon enough. Cheers! :)

Farewell Mak Long...

2009-08-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

Call No.1, received during Pharmaniaga’s Monthly Assembly on my last day there

“ Assalamualaikum, Along ke ni?”

“ Ye Along ni, sapa ni ya?”

“ Pak Long ni, Ni…Mak Long Mariah dah takdak dah…”

“ Laa…Innalillahiwainnalillahirajiun…”

Call No. 2, received approx 15 minutes later

“Along, balik skaranglah ya Along?”

“Skarang? Naik flight ke Bah?”

“ A’ah…”

It was a really weird day actually. For one, I was actually looking forward to have my meeting with the MD so that I can say thanks to him for everything. Alas, I did get to do so albeit under such rushing conditions, definitely not what I had in mind…within a few minutes, Kak Maziah was already on the phone and Zain was ready to send me to the airport, pronto. My flight was scheduled to depart from KLIA at 1:55 pm and after the fastest goodbye to everyone I’ve ever done, I was in his Lancer Evo car, speeding along the highway at 210km per hour! ( wait, I hope there’s no cop reading this!). The ticket pulled me back by 349 ringgit but honestly, this was not a time to be miserly at all.

Call No. 3, Platform A6, KLIA

“Along ke? Ni Kak Long ni…Kak Long kat bawah TV kat A06 ni”

And she was there. From what I know, she took an earlier flight from Johor to come to KL and luckily enough, her hotel where she was working is next to the Senai Airport. My cousin seems calm enough though deep inside, I can tell that she was keeping her emotions to herself. The flight took 55 minutes and upon arrival, my dad was waiting to pick us up to my late aunt’s home, next to mine. My mom was already there and upon seeing me, sobbed inconsolably as she remembered just how minutes earlier before her death, she was talking to her like always, never realizing what was coming. Then, I saw my aunt’s body. By this point, my cousin’s emotions were too much to take. She wept beside her mother’s body and despite some of the elders advice against it, nothing could be done to stop her.

I left the house soon after, changed and went to the graveyard where it was already beginning to rain. Using a parang, me and my dad used it to cut some bamboo and used it to make a small shelter for the grave. It wasn’t easy at all, but in the end we made it. My aunt’s body arrived at the graveyard at around 5:10 and it was then up to me, my dad and 2 of my uncles to lift her up. Truth be told, I was really nervous to do so at first, fearing that my lack of experience would cause the simple loincloth at the bottom of the coffin to make way. Then, I also had the task of lowering the body into the grave. Despite some complications (my thigh was stuck under the coffin for a while) and after using balls of clay to keep her facing the kiblat, we began to bury her. Only then did I realize just how tiring this ordeal really is and so we took turns to cover her up. In the end, the Talkin process began and with firm reminders of what was waiting soon after the burial for the soul of the departed one; one cannot help but feel immense fear of what could possibly lay in store for me once my time is up. Wallahualam…

Farewell Mak Long Mariah, and may Allah have mercy upon your soul. Amin…

Mak Long Mariah bt. Mahmud

Born Friday, 14th of August 1959 - Passed Away Friday, 14th of August 2009

(yes, she was exactly 50 years old)

The Last of The Invincibles...

2009-07-29T21:30:00.001-07:00

"Toure dah blah dowh?"

"Ye ke? For how much?"

"14M"

"Murah sangat r..."

The conversation took place at around 12:30 last night and for some reason I refuse to believe it especially for such a meagre amount of cash. Nah, it can't be true now can it?

Fast forward to this morning at work, took the time to open up Soccernet and found out that yes, he left for 16M. With that, spells the end of the last piece of the Gunners Invincible team. Toure will be missed and if Arsenal does'nt improve this season, I dare say that Wenger is losing his touch and his head will be on the guillotine by the end of the season. Toure's departure signals the end of an era and now is the perfect time for the young ones to stand up and be counted. COME ON YOU GUNNERS!

Bye, bye Toure and thank you!

First Salary!

2009-07-28T18:06:00.001-07:00

Bangun pagi dlm pkl 6.40. After solat and mandi, got ready for work. Just like any other day in my 6 weeks internship. Except today, Haqqa was ill and not ready to go to work. So, I went off, expecting a really busy day today. And true enough, I was loaded with LOADS of work regarding the MYR (Mid Year Review) and was feeling the stress. For once, I was practically lying on the table with a really bad headache, much like what Haqqa had earlier today. And then ,he came

"Farhan ya?"

"Ya,saya?"

"Sign sini ya"

I looked at what he was handing me. Haha, my first paycheck,baby! It was not much, only 400 ringgit but man it was a pure satisfaction once you got it!

Taraaaaaaaa!!!

Haha, now that dah dpt gaji, some of the guys around here have been nudging me to have a go at my salary. Sorry fellas! I'm keeping this one for myself!

All right, now back to my Mid Year Review. Now where was my file just now, I know I had it here...

Halfway Point Conclusion

2009-07-26T20:21:00.000-07:00

Fazlin and Zain's birthday, the same day we joined them

Referring to the title above, it is my sincere intention to…hang on, why is this all so formal? Hmm, I guess working in an office really does get to your mind sooner or later. As for me, it has truly been an eye opening experience. From the first day of meeting the MD of Pharmaniaga, Mr. Mohamad Abdullah (who is a really fatherly guy, I must say), all nervous from not knowing what lies beyond our (Amie and me) 1 month plus stay in the company. Then, there’s this other guy named Andrew Loke. Another interesting figure really with a knack of inserting his experiences from time to time just to make things interesting and really clear.

The first day was rather troublesome. My mind was not in the office because of thinking of many stuff such as where am I gonna stay for the next 6 weeks and also how am I travelling to work on a daily basis. My parents took the initiative to look for accommodation in UITM which I did not find all that appealing. In the end, I had to turn to the one friend I hope most not to burden again, Haqqa. In all honesty, I did not feel particularly comfortable the first few nights, knowing that I am really burdening them by staying at their place (till today really). Hmm, I just hope that my KFC treat the other day will make it up a bit for their troubles. Haqqa on the other hand, seems to appreciate the company, much to my amazement. I guess the holidays can really make you so lonely. All I can say is, Thank You Haqqa.

Regarding transport, I am thankful to have Amie to willingly let me come along in her car to go to work. In all honesty, I feel rather ashamed sitting at the back (even though it was at her request) because it feels as if I’m treating her like some kind of a chauffer. The fact that she’s the one driving, and not me, only makes it worse. I hope the amount of cash I gave will go a long way in making up for her troubles, not to mention the oil and toll fares. No wonder it’s so expensive to live here! On another note, I really enjoy the religious discussions we had together and despite the troubles regarding the car, it certainly taught me to be a lot more patient and get to know about car mechanisms more in the future. All I can say is, Thank You Amie.

So, it’s back to the office. My office (haha,”MY office”) is located on the highest floor of the A Block in Bukit Raja, in a nice glass box. There are 3 main people in the department I’m attached to, Mr. Andrew, Mr. Fazlin and Mrs. Azlina. Explaining the latter two, one is a quiet but very engaging fellow once involved in a conversation while the other is a very organized and motherly like lady. And of course there’s the other staff. Kak Maziah and Ika are both pregnant, the latter expected to be around early August. Both are really helpful to both of us in terms of settling in the office. Don, Zain and Syafik are really smart guys. Don prefers to be the strong, serious type while the latter two are the practical jokers of the office, with the joke occasionally on me, but heck, I don’t really mind! Kak Sel is a quiet type, regularly helping Amie out in her tasks and me too sometimes. One practical note, Syafik, Zain and Kak Sel have at least sent me back to Putra Heights at least once!

The lessons I’ve learnt here…hmm, guys take my word on this. If you’re gonna be working in an office first of all, be prepared to have a VERY, VERY REPETETIVE life. Chances are you’ll be expected to end up in office by 8.30 till 5.30 for the next 6-7 years. And it only gets more taxing higher up the corporate ladder albeit the occasional trips abroad. As such, it is of the utmost importance you build a strong relationship with those in your office with the fact that they are gonna be the faces you see on a daily basis in you life, possibly even more than you’re wife and kids!

On the plus side, I learned that it takes some time to get used to the acronyms used in the office. During our first weekly meeting, with everyone using acronyms in making their point, we we’re literally lost for words. The fact that we we’re of pure science background certainly didn’t help much! Nevertheless, assistance was always around when we needed them for they too realize the position we are finding ourselves in. After all, we are rookies! Note to myself, KPI means Key Performance Indicator…

Besides that, I have also got the chance to experience division of labour in practise. When you wanna get information regarding the market, use the marketing personnel. Well, use is a rather harsh word really for they are really nice people especially 2 blokes called Paramme and Mahendran. Again, understanding my position, they did a lot to help me identify the market size of certain medications. In the end, I got all the necessary information I need to finish my presentation albeit with some difficulties along the way.

To be honest, I’m not used to being scolded at. In fact the last time was probably during Bangsawan because I didn’t act the way Pok Chek wanted. But in office life, sometimes a kick in the back is probably all you need to make yourself alert again. This particular incident happened when Zain was rather disappointed in me for not getting the prices data that he really wanted. Sure data from the US is good but what are more important are the prices in the LOCAL market. Criticized me on the spot too for what happened. Not pretty but essential, just a pinch of what office life is all about.

And another thing, lateral thinking is very much encouraged in the workplace. For example, there is data on pieces of paper regarding the Indonesian market. The task is to transfer the data to Excel. Option one is to scan the sheets and save them in PDF Format and later copy text into Excel. Option two would be to write down each and every data in to Excel, the manual way. Unfortunately for me, I did the latter one until Haqqa’s dad made me realise that the former was possible and really is the better option. Although I learnt it the hard way, it definitely made me realise the need to think more and from a different approach next time.

On a final note, take time off to walk outside with your friends. It helps to get your eyes away from the glaring computer screens and not to mention is a really good time to have a chat with them. In essence, I learnt a lot regarding many stuffs such as the reality of Malaysian football (from Fazlin), the exquisiteness of The Phantom Of The Opera play, the best tips in buying a house in KL (from Fazlin again) and finally the experience of childbirth (from Kak Maziah, not that I needed it really!)

All in all, I think it has been a very wonderful time in office for me. I learnt so much these past few days to the point that I may consider spending some time of my working life in the business area someday. Sure the traffic jams and occasional stale food may be a bummer but it really makes this whole journey the more interesting. Looking forward to the next 3 weeks here! Thank you for this opportunity, my sponsor Khazanah!

Cheers everybody! : )

For I Do Not Know...

2009-07-21T20:57:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone! Whew,it's been quite some time already since I last updated this (3 weeks to be exact) Just some update first of all. I'm writing this at my office in Pharmaniaga Berhad in Bukit Raja under the Corporate Strategy and Business Development Division. The lads here have been very interesting especially a guy named Zain who is rather annoying at times but a real good fell to have a chat with. Enjoying my job so far except for the hemorrhoids part of course. Other than that, congratz to Malaysia for putting up a real fight against Man Utd despite the 3-2 loss. From the game, it was rather clear that they are really struggling without Ronaldo to penetrate the defence of a side currently ranked 150 plus in the world. Hope to see the same in the coming EPL season...GO ARSENAL!

Nway, back to the topic above. If you guys don't know yet, I'm currently staying at Haqqa's place for the duration of the internship and I go to my workplace by Amie's car. Well as it so happens, on one day, my heart suddenly had the urge to talk about destiny or Qada' and Qadar' in particular. As we were discussing, she handed me a small book of hadiths to ponder upon. The one in particular is shown below...

Dari Abu Abdurrahman Abdullah bin Mas'ud r.a berkata: Rasullullah yang jujur dan terpecaya ucapannnya memberitahu kami, " sesungguhnya setiap kalian dikumpulkan penciptaannya dalam rahim ibunya selam 40 hari berupa nufthah(sperma) kemudian menjadi 'ala-qah (segumpal darah yang menggantung) selama waktu itu juga kemudian menjadi mudghah (segumpal daging) selama waktu itu pula, kemudian diutuslah malaikat untuk meniupkan ruh kepadanya dan menyampaikan 4 perkara: menulis rezekinya, ajalnya, amal perbuatannnya dan akan menjadi sengsara atau bahagia. Demi Allah yang tiada Tuhan (yang berhak disembah) selain-Nya....

From this,1 question in particular intrigues me.

"If God has already determined everything for us including where do we end up in the afterlife, then where is the need for good deeds or 'amalan'?"

To be honest, despite Amie's best efforts to clarify matters, I was unconvinced with what she said and took the time to find out more. Luckily enough, the answer came to me via Amie through a website called langitilahi.com. The title of the article itself was simple enough

"Aku Beramal Kerana Aku Tidak Tahu..."

The article amazes me because of its simplicity in the way it presents the writers ideas. At last, I was at peace for finding the answer to my conundrums. The conclusion?

1.I do good deeds for I DO NOT KNOW where I will end up

2.so, we DO OUR BEST to get the best in our lives

3.we should not worry on WHAT IS NOT POSSIBLE FOR US TO KNOW (the future)

4.entry into heaven and hell is not determined by how many good deeds or how many sins we commit in our lives. It is determined by GOD'S BLESSINGS ALONE

5.so, we do what we're supposed to do to get God's blessing

6.InsyaAllah, Allah will NOT BE CRUEL upon us mere humans. Those who do good deeds are promised with goodness while those who sinned will be justly punished.

7.by having good thoughts towards Allah, may His blessings be upon our souls.

This article is intended to remind myself in the future of what is meant by the Terms Qada' and Qadar. I learnt it since I was around 10 years old and yet only now I know the true meaning of it. May this article also shed light on my Muslim brothers and sisters who may also be looking for answers, just as I did.

Salam and thank you for reading! : )

Life After KYUEM and Before The Results Are Out ( Week 1)

2009-06-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

Okay, so in 24 hours time, i'll be officially one week old as an ex-student of KYUEM. Looking back at this blog, it's quite a shame really that I didn't update it as much as I would like to. All the moments I had....luckily my diary is still by my side to keep me company.

Nway, just a little update since then. Ooo boy, where to start? Well, Arsenal's got a new boy downtown, just 23 years of age but already with plenty of experiance to teach the other young defensive lads there. He goes by the name Vermaelen and if he brings the title back to the club's hands, I'll forgive Wenger for the past 4 trophyless years before.Spain shockingly lost to USA to tie with Brazil for the highest number of consecutive games at 35. Well, nobody's invincible, right?

Closer to home, spent the time visiting my relatives not far from my home. My grandma's doing fine, looking a bit healthier than last time too. My aunts are still the same as before. One shock I really had was that as it turn's out, my 2 months absence away from home was enough to expand my home by another 3 bedrooms though I must say a big house with so little number of people is rather depressing. Back at the kebun, my dad's got a new kid!....no seriously as in goat kid. One of his prized goats gave birth to a small male kid roughly last wednesday. Good luck surviving...kid!

As for me? Spending my time at home playing games,sleeping and doing household chores all day are not exactly what I had in mind, so my mom suggested that I go for this 'resdung' treatment method which claims to be able to rid of my small resdung problems, once and for all. Surely I had to give it a try, right? Well, to be honest, I didn't really like the experiance because they actually had to use smoke and burn it around your face to somehow pull out the 'hama'. Needless to say, the heat was rather....no, really painful! But, seeing the small dust like particles on your face at the end of it really make's it all worthwhile. They later finished it off using some herbal scrub whch was rather stinging. For a mere 9 ringgit per go, I suggest anyone with nothing else to do to give it a try bcoz another thing is...it does make your face a bit smoother (as my mom would put it) Note though, being ticklish like me certainly does'nt help facing the ordeal...

Well, that's basically it. Gonna start packing tomorrow for that 6 weeks internship I have to go to at Pharmaniaga so with no more internet connection till then, it's bye for now. Cheers! ; )

And Then, There Was None...

2009-06-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

Yup. Just looking at the title above I suppose everyone knows what it's referring too. Still haven't? Examslah, what else my friend? After 14 ( yes, you got that right, 14!!!) gruelling papers to determine my future and also after reading Hizbul's rather entertaining post regarding his, I decided to have my very own personal take regarding them. Read it if you want too, no one's forcing you but since it's possible that you have nothing better to do at this time, you might as well just read it (what the heck am I crapping about?)!

CHEMISTRY

Paper 1: Loads of past years questions albeit with a little bit of twist sometimes. Still do-able. Possibly getting good marks for this one ; )

Paper 2: Rather hard actually. One of them (if I remember correctly, question 4 on organics)

was rather confusing actually. Aldehyde with potassium cyanide? Somehow my brain had a seizure and can't figure it out at that time! ; ( At least I can take solace from the fact that practically everyone had the same perception about it too!

Paper 3: Okay for the fact that there was not enough time to do it, as usual. Heck, I even took only like 1 and a half minutes to do the last question only to find I got the places for the reagent answers crossed! Just my luck. To make matters worse, the concentrated sulphuric acid was also nowhere to be found...until after the exam ended. Turns out, it was in the chemical chamber at the back of the lab. Now she tells me!

Paper 4: Probably the most straight forward one i've ever done. It all seems too uncomplicated to be a regular paper 4 paper, but then again, who's complaining? Certainly not me! Had a little difficulty regarding the mercury origins question but other than that, I think I did quite well actually.

Paper 5: Ooo boy, should've known it was coming! Shatter my dreams to a million pieces if you will! And what a way to do it. Two questions as usual, damn hard NOT as usual! Tried as hard as I can to comprehend what the second question wanted but to no avail. Tore my hair out after the papers (sorry to those who we're nearby...) God help us one, and may God help us all...

BIOLOGY

Paper 1: Thank God! It was actually easier than I expected it to be but nevertheless still requires a sensible ability to comprehend the basic fundamentals of the field to do brilliantly. I know I've lost 4 marks already, but I'm still very optimistic on this one. ; )

Paper 2: Still do-able. Pretty much straight forward questions but as usual, you can never be too sure bout the paper, ever. Had a little but of a problem regarding the endodermis at the roots question but overall, OK!

Paper 3: Took me off of my feet! It was certainly harder than the one I did back in November. There was also a slight misunderstanding incident occurring which delayed me for a couple of moments with my heated sample lost to someone else. Question 2 was quite hard in the sense that I was not really sure of what I'm supposed to see actually under the microscope, but hoping for the best, nevertheless....

Paper 4: The paper with the biggest percentage thank God, didn't prove to be so repulsive. I had a rather 'enjoyable' time answering them as some of the questions I had just revised with Syafiq Yazid the night before (thanks bro!). I was practically giggling to myself when then same question he asked that night, came out exactly word by word in the essays! The angels must be smiling upon me (note this statement).

Paper 5: Was quite hard with the wierd experiment of the snails to comment on. Also got fooled by the question on the degree of freedom. Still, overall it was okay... ; )

MATHEMATICS

Paper 1: Its Pure Maths 1, and thank goodness it was easier than what I faced last time I was in this hall. Got a little bit confused regarding question 2 and the last question on the area under the graph but overall, OK!

Paper 6: Stats people! To be honest, I did'nt do as well as I could because of the last few questions, the darned wierd cumulative frequency graph and the all too confusing permutation and combination question. Read the questions like they we're a treasure map but still hard to comprehend, let alone answer... : (

Paper 4: Mechanics paper. Went in with a lot of confidence since the last paper I answered was the one before ( and I got full marks for it, yay!), went out with almost no confidence at all. It may be just me but I found the paper really hard to do, especially with the critical information not identified (or was'nt even there in the first place). The only question I really am sure of getting the spot right was the 3rd and 4th ones. The others? Ohhh, I get nightmares just by thinking of them.

Paper 3: Pure Maths 3, I repeat, Pure Maths 3 IS NOT EASY!!!!! If anyone dares to say into my face that the paper was easy, I'm sorry if you'll leave me with a bloody nose (sorry for the harsh words people). I was practically lost in the sheer hardness of the paper. I felt like this is it, after 20 hard years of living and studying maths, I fumbled on this one. Cried like a baby that evening with no one good enough to console me ( thanks for the shoulder, Ikmal) It seems that as the angel smiled upon me earlier that day during paper 4 Biology, they deserted me in the end. Not pretty, not pretty at all...

Overall, I'm pretty sure that I did rather well in my Biology and Chemistry, but to be honest, I'm not having the same optimism about the Maths paper. Nevertheless, to my sponsor and my parents, if you're reading this, let it be known that I did my very best in all the papers and I certainly have NO regrets in answering them the way I did. My current theme song? When You Believe by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey. Hopefully the next one will be I'm Leaving On A Jet Plane... Wish me luck, people! Cheers!

Just Like Heaven.. : )

2009-06-12T00:10:00.000-07:00

My back was still hurt, my skin got darker but it was yet another fruitful day after the end of my examinations. I had a hand in helping out with the kids in a camp which if i'm not mistaken was called the Aulat camp. Just my luck to be guarding one of the hottest posts around at the playground near my chalet, but seeing the kids all fired up everytime they reach my post, it was worth it... ; ) Agent Alpha 007 I was called, I was trying my best to make the challenge as hard as possible with orders from Mission Control officer, Moja. In the end, I had to give a speech in front of the kids albiet with very little success. Ah well... that's what u get for leaving the debate arena for so long Baku.

Any way, back to my point. In my stack of CD's are numerous movies which I plan to watch throughout the week. We (by we I mean Ibi and me) laid out our mattresses at the Common Room and using Aidy's second laptop, planned for a nice show to enjoy. And we finally settled to watch a movie called Just Like Heaven starring the cute, little Miss Reese Witherspoon and Mr. Mark Ruffalo. The story began with the tale of Elizabeth Masterson, who lived to work as a doctor and...well,no more. Then, a tragedy happened which caused her to fall into a state of coma. Then, the spotlight shifted to the tale of a man named...oh, why am I spoiling all the fun?

Well, basically what I gotta say is that I LOVE IT! What really struck my heart is the fact that a spirit can make a man fall in love all over again shows if someone is destined for you, then everything will come into place,even in the most unlikely of circumstances...a piece of advertisement ending up in your face even after you tossed it away three times? If that's not destiny playing it's part, then I don't know what is!

My favourite scenes gotta be the moment he kisses her in a desperate attempt to save her life and also the moment he touches her hand as they try to feel each other's souls....Oh, enough of the spoilers already Baku! To anyone who wants to have a look at this movie, feel free to ask me for it. Just ask me nicely okay? Cheers!

Btw, if anyone happens to have a French movie called Wasabi somewhere in their external or stack of CD's, can I please borrow it? Give me a call, alright!

Aku Bukan Superstar....

2009-05-20T06:15:00.000-07:00

Consider this...

Candidate A

Name: Helmi Eliza Elias
Height: 1.8 metres
Hometown: Kedah
Club: Kedah Football Club
Caps (for the national team):8

Candidate B

Name: Mohamad Farhan Mohamad Sobri
Height: 1.75 metres
Hometown: Kedah
Club: OLE Football Club
Caps (for the college team): 1

Similarities? Both fell victim to a horrendous error of anticipation as the ball bounces beyond what each goalkeeper thought possible. We all know when and against whom did the former suffer the shame to but as for the latter? Well, his story began like this...

TOPAZ vs DIAMOND. 6:14 pm at the KYUEM Football Field.

The match began with both teams intent on making the best start possible by scoring an early goal. Unfortunately for me, the opponent got the start they wanted by Afzal @ Ja scoring via a penalty. I managed to read the direction of the ball aiming right at me but it simply had too much power to keep it out. Definitely not what I wanted. Credit to the team's defence cz i practically had no other save to make and following the run of play, we deservedly grabbed our equaliser just before the break. The heat was on. This team dubbed by some as the Galacticos we're clearly showing sign of wanting to get the winner. I for some reason started to feel the pressure too.

And then, IT happened.

As Cuan with the ball delivers a long pass to the forwards, I anticipated the ball was going to bounce within the penalty box and thus allowing me to claim it for myself. Somehow, it fell just out and the bounce was higher than what I predicted. The ball lobbed high over me and despite my best efforts, i couldn't reach it. Ja, as predatory as ever claimed the ball and coolly tucked it home.DANG! A cruel blow to me and an even crueler blow to my team. I was utterly flabbergasted. Never have I ever conceded a goal so cheaply as far as I can remember. My comrades we're understandably outraged. Who would'nt be when they know that everyone's been performing well except the one man who mattered most, the keeper?

Again, we got a quick equaliser via a penalty. ZB tucking it away effortlessly enough. From that point on, it was certainly a one way traffic game as Diamond had chances and chances to go ahead. One was even ruled out for a handball which was actually one of Topaz's own player that committed it. At the final whistle, we we're utterly disappointed not to snatch victory. If the're was a Man Of The Match award, I would give it to my junior from my Koleq days, Iss, who tirelessly ran,and ran,and ran like he's got two hearts pumping. Flop of the game? No prizes for guessing the obvious...

All in all, it was clearly a game to forget, at least for me. With all due respect to Topaz, we we're definitely the more attacking team and if there was ever going to be a winner, it was going to come from us. But it's an old footballing cliche' that it's all about taking your chances. Their defence was resolute and so was our's. Both team's shared the points but only one man took the shame.

As always, there is always a blessing in disguise behind everything that's happened. For me, I'll take it like any good keeper should and remember not to rush out to claims loose balls like that ever again. Friendly jokes like me being Helmi Eliza the 2nd is normal and i'll take it until the time comes to prove myself again. And so will my teammates. Garnet and Sapphire...BEWARE!

To sign off, lets view the Malaysia vs Vietnam game again and recall how similar it was to mine. ; )

Teman Sejati

2009-05-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

Today as I was washing my clothes, a friend named Ibi suddenly played out the song, well u guessed it... Teman Sejati by Brothers. From the first words mentioned

"Selama ini,

Ku mencari-cari,

Teman yg sejati,

Buat menemani,

Perjuangan suci"

Perjuangan suci. The Holy Challenge @ Jihad. In what, may I ask? Is it for our A grades? Or is it solely for the sake of God? The answer is simple my friend. It it for the sake of both. I cannot do this alone, and neither can you. It is through this song that I understand how lucky I am to have those around me not only to keep me company but also to make sure I stay on the right path to success in this world & in the hereafter. People like Acap, Dollah n Ilham Ainaa to mention a few, thank you once and thank you again for being what I would call as.... Teman Sejati.

"Kepadamu Allah,

Ku panjangkan doa,

Agar berkekalan,

Kasih sayang kita...."

Amin. Amin. Perkenankanlah Ya Rab Al Amin. : )

Haha...rasanyer boleh dpt rekod tak paling lama tak update blog?

2009-05-15T20:34:00.001-07:00

Alhamdulillah, jumpa jgk akhirnya blog ni! Nasib baik ade yg masih menyedari yg blog ni wujud, walaupun sgt lama tak update. Emm...nak ckp ape yek? Exams tgh going on for me and my friends so all the best guys! Football update next, Man U can seal the Premier League title tonight barring an upset from the Gunners. Being a die hard fan of the latter, I seriously hope that it won't happen but i'm not too optimistic. Over to last night, I had a replay of a weird dream that i had some time ago... but, i can't talk about it due to personal issues so let's just keep it to myself okay? In entertainment, I seriously hv nothing much to say cz dah lama tak tgk any movies so i'm rather empty on this though I hope to finish a movie called Assembly that I watched with Dollah some time ago, tonight! Reminder Baku, everyone is counting on u to do your best! InsyaAllah, I will succeed! : )

A Planting We Will Go...Or Are We?

2008-07-07T00:04:00.000-07:00

Heyya blog! Its been a long time I left u untouched actualy but can't blame me for that.My dad's laptop broke down which equates to no internet surfing let alone blogging! Luckily i'm now at haqqa's place and im using his comp.right now...what,what's that u say? what am I doing here? no biggie really, just following some community service programmes under Khazanah.Just finished the 1st one yesterday under an org. called YAWA. Basically it's about how kids should be exposed towards caring for the environment at such a young age and being volunteers, I was thinking onn the line of maybe we're gonna be planting trees for them. Turns out, we did'nt even lay our hands on a single shovel to be exact! what we did was we followed these guys to a place somewhere in Ulu Langat where there's this rather nice looking resort called Agrotek.There, we were introduced to a number of other volunteers who taught us on how to be volunteer. Quite needless if u ask me but anyway, we had quite a good time especially Haqqa and me since we spent quite some time plunging into the river while at the same time babysitting some of the younger volunteers. Then at night we had this session on using our senses to appreciate the surrounding and I must say I did'nt do too bad on it. Early morning, I woke up rather early and took some time to sit down and look upon the stars.It's been a while since I did that actually. A few more speechs later, we headed back to T.T.D.I. Overall, I think the programme was not half bad just some of the things have to be organised better like time management and the discipline of some of the participants seriously need some looking into. It was quite a nice experiance and who knows maybe i'll be tempted to join them later in the future... ; )

Me and Biology....

2008-05-28T05:15:00.000-07:00

The study of life. Not emotionally but physically. A subject designed to instill knowledge among those interested regarding how things work and to comprehend how marvellous they are. From compartmentialisation,transcription,translation,transformation,semi-conservative replication to mutation, Biology is a very wonderful subject indeed. And yet, no matter what I do, I never seem to be able to comprehend the right way to answer the conundrums posed. Take one question for example....

Describe the source of electrical activity on the graph.

MY ANSWER: The opening and the closing of the valves in the heart

THE CORRECT ANSWER: S.A node

Bummer, and to my dismay my answer in a sense is correct BUT what causes the opening and the closing of the valves is what the question really wants.IS IT? Hmm... to be honest, I may be alone in this but up to this point, I still do not have a clear picture of specification needed because sometimes what we write may be exceeding what is truly needed and thus causing mistakes here and there which distrupts the whole flow of the intended answer. Then again, sometimes what we write may be lacking some critical points that we assumed not supposed to be there in the first place (which may explain why i'm able to score an A on my Paper 1 but did badly in the others). With the amount of time in an exam and all the pressure in it, it is to the utmost importance that what we answer is what the question really needs. Call me a whiner, call me a jerk if you must but be assured I'm writing this just to express my discontent at....myself actually so I don't mind what those who are reading this post is thinking. My grade? Let it be kept to myself for now, and as time passes by you will know the truth and I can assure you it's not pretty.. (T_T)

Dah Habis Exam!!!

2008-05-27T05:08:00.000-07:00

Yay! Exam dah habis n it's time to enjoy! Or is it? Huhu apparently right after habis exams dah kena prepare for Oxbridge application (serves me right for prasan pandai sangat but then again no harm in trying right?) So, dengan penuh semangatnyer aku bukak website Oxbridge to get a clearer picture of what it takes to be enrolled. To be honest, benda ni patutnyer aku buat dulu lagi tapi atas dasar pemalas, tangguh sampai skarang. Start pukul 6 sampai pukul 12 lebih tgh malam aku buat research n after that I shortlisted 2 colleges namely Churchill n Trinity. For a better chance, Churchill would be a better choice but in the end aku pilih Trinity for a number of reasons....which I prefer to keep to myself for no obvious reasons. Then, b4 tidur smalam, I started reflecting on how I did on the exams for a while.Hmm, Bio was FREAKING HARD, Chem not as difficult as I expected but still HARD, IELTS was considerably easy except for listening and reading, Physics was OKAY n finally Maths was suspiciously very straightforward. And that's how I spent the night sampailah terlelap dalam dakapan malam. Oh, n b4 i finish, tadi dpt paper 3 physics n I must say i'm rather pleased with myself. It's not the best but it certainly made me look forward to my other papers... ; )

A Friends' Advise

2008-05-18T06:51:00.000-07:00

Finally, you are here my friend,
To share with me your feelings,
At times of desperate hour,
And also when you’re feeling sour.

Sorrow as the heart feels,
There is still a reason to believe,
That a hope lies in each corner,
And whether we dare to take that step closer.

Sure, the going can be tough,
I have scars that proves it so,
As a reminder that as time goes by,
Experience will teach you how to fly,

When life slams you down,
And it seems that the end is near,
Have faith in your ability,
For every time you rise, you will become mighty.

Care not of what others see,
Whether you’re ugly or thin,
For real judgement comes not from that,
But through the way you speak and act.

Treat others will kindness and love,
Just like how you want to be treated,
So that no matter who they are,
They will always remember you from near or far.

Some things will never change,
It’s the way nature is meant to be,
But keep in your mind that what ever happens,
The Almighty always watches and listens.

That is all I can tell you now,
For I am also but a meek human,
Placed on this Earth with a mission,
To comfort others and serve the nation.

(I have to say i was looking for a better ending but apparently my head just can't figure out one that would sound better...yet)

An Incovenient Truth

2008-05-17T05:49:00.000-07:00

There was once a tale,
Of a land so cold and pale,
Freezing glaciers don its presence,
And with it a tinge of silence.

There was also a tale,
In which ancient buildings and statues hail,
In all its grand and splendour,
As a symbol of glowing wonder.

And there was also a story,
Of how even the heat in all its fury,
Could not stop men feeling gay,
Running outside on a sunny day.

And now its time to wonder,
Whether it can stay for much longer,
As the weather changes from day to day,
And all we do is wail in dismay.

The world is heating up they claim,
And they say carbon monoxide should be blamed,
Lets take a moment to ponder,
Actually it’s us making Mother Earth shudder!

We burn fuel in everyday life,
So that we can continue to survive,
But sometimes we’re overcome by greed,
And use more than we truly need.

We cut lumber for our seats and chairs,
At rates so astounding that we despair,
When the air around us is deprived,
Of the oxygen we need in order to survive.

We use air conditioners to cool us down,
When the heat is unbearable till we frown,
But some of us just don’t get the picture,
That it’s only making things worse for nature.

So let us all join hands and do what is correct,
As the Earth is ours and we must protect,
The 6 degrees rise is not a risk to take,
Should we love our children and care for their sake

Terima Kasih or Thank You?

2008-05-09T05:35:00.001-07:00

This might seem a little bit odd but it's actually bugging my head a bit to be honest. This matter came up just as recent as this evening to be exact. I planned to have a short meeting with my new club members just to say thank you for joining, explain on what plans I had for them, what they can hope to achieve from the club and what the future holds for the club. I wanted the message to be taken by heart by all of them so things can start to progress smoothly from now on. Then something suddenly occured to me which I never visioned before in which what was the best was to get the message clear to them? As I once read in Ms. Rena's class and quoted by Nelson Mandela, "Speak to someone in a language it goes to his head, speak to someone in their language it goes to his heart". I kept that in mind but apparently I failed to put it to good effect and thus I made the most terrible mistake of mixing languages to convey the message. I certainly can't say whether they got the picture but the tired and somehow disappointing faces apparent to me certainly didn't help much to my belief. Positively, I thought to myself that they could just be a bit exhausted from the classes earlier (it is a Friday after all...) but I can't help but thought to myself that maybe I was wrong in some way. Personally, I feel better talking in public in English cz that's what i've been trained for since I was young. Back in MC, I never had this problem as everyone is a Malay and they really don't mind much on how you say things (maybe it's a boys thing...).No doubt, this matter will stick in my head for sometime as I will definitely handle similar situations in the future...this Monday to be exact!

An Incovinient Truth...The Way I See It

2008-05-08T20:43:00.001-07:00

It's been a long week actually and thus I see it as a great relief that my sponsor had the initiative to bring me and my fellow sponsored dudes to watch...An Incovinient Truth?! Hell it's not what I actually had in mind but seeing that they actually went through all this trouble to get us there, I really can't complain much. Some people upon hearing that we're gonna be watching this show ( okay, documentary) say that it's a real bore to watch and I sucked it all in like a dried yellow sponge in the middle of the sea. So after all that I went there with the expectation to waste my free block on this screening. Then it began and for the next 90 minutes or so I was looking at a man who lost what is probably the most closely contested election in American history rise from the ashes and establish himself as a figure and symbol of the fight against global warming. What astounds me about his speech was how he was actually relate it to his own life in one way or another and how he manages to make me stay in my seat, transfixing my gaze to him and hear his calls for change. It was only then that I realised the severity of the phenomenon and how hard the impact will be if we don't heed the signs now. But in the end, he encouraged the audience that it is still possible to stop these calamities from happening if we just put our mind into it (after all, CFC emissions really are a thing of the past right?). And as I lay back on my bed last night, I can't help but spare a thought for those whose lives were severely affected by our own faults while thinking that one day it could be our turn. True, I would'nt call it the best show on Earth but to me it stil deserves some credit for provoking the way we percieve the future to be....nice short trip by the way. : )

The first of many...

2008-05-08T20:14:00.001-07:00

To be honest, I planned to have a blog for quite some time already but somehow procrastination got the better of me and thus explaining why I only created this blog today on the 9th of May 2008 A.D. But putting the past behind me, I'll give my thoughts from time to time on certain issues which I think will be great to stand up and take notice of cz after all that's what blogs are for right? Anyway, feel free to explore my domain in the digital world to your hearts content and give back comments on anything you feel might be interesting to reply to and discuss about. Enjoy!